Pruning the Rosebushes

Yesterday's warm sun and 70 degree temperature kept drawing me outside.  It was perfect that a few phone meetings were rescheduled, so I had more time to enjoy the day.  I wanted to put my hands and feet into the warm earth, enjoying the grounding, feeling in tune with Mother Nature.

The front yard's row of Knock Out Rose Shrubs were wild and over 6 feet tall, time to cut them back before they started their spring growth.  The dead wood and many new shoots from last year were tangled and gnarly...difficult to get close enough to cut them back.

I originally thought I'd take hedge trimmers and by force cut them back to size.  Then realizing that I would have to pick up and bag all of those thorn-covered branches, I thought I'd cut the branches one by one, trimming them to size over the bag.  Thinking logically, that this was simpler, kinder and less painful for me.

Ha!  Thorns were in my fingers, scratching my arms, sticking in my legs and feet where the branches fell if not caught over the lawn bag, grabbing my clothes and hair!  I felt attacked and walked back inside thinking I'd come back later, with more protection, and shoes on my feet. 

After some tea, a conversation with a mentor, I headed back to the project.  Thinking I'd move more slowly, more deliberately.  The roses were wanting/needing/asking to be pruned, knowing they could be more glorious and bloom more heavily, if there were places to grow and less dead wood to grow around. 

I felt that I could relate.  I know I need to let go of dead wood, and it's not always easy, often painful.  I'm in that spring cleaning mode of releasing old energies, old lifetimes of patterns for my Self and for my lineage.  I teeter in between wanting to stay safe and comfortable in the pain and tight coccon I've formed around myself and stepping into my full power, full radiance, full beauty and wisdom.  Into the Leader, Healer, Teacher I am meant to be. 

After filling another bag and only completing one full bush and parts of another, I looked down and my hand was full of blood.  The welts on my arm from scratches were showing only dots of blood, but I did have on a white top and wanted to wash away the blood before it ended up on it.  Off to the house I trot, this time wondering why I didn't use the longer edged shears, and gloves.  Protection is there if I ask for it, use it.  I don't need to put myself into this kind of pain!  I laughed at my willingness to be hurt, to have the lesson be so dramatic.  Ahh, lesson learned.  I've gotten the right tools and will continue until completion using them tomorrow.

Feeling Full

After meditating I feel full.  Almost like the fullness after eating a wonderful meal, but more encompassing.  And sustaining...or so I believe.

As the day continues, I tend to feel depleted, and, like many other women, go foraging for something to fill me up.  First place I look is for a cup of tea, or maybe a cookie (or both!) or sometimes into my special chocolate hiding place for a square or rich dark yumminess.  Sometimes, that is enough, often it isn't...I've got much bigger space that needs filling!

After examining what creates that feeling of "being full" for me, I realize that I tend not to own all of ME.  Just the parts I like, or those I want to take credit for, but not ALL of me.  That's a great place to begin.  We are both shadow and light, night and day.  Why do I think I need to be bright and shiny all the time?

Then I take an inventory of where I've scattered parts of me, my attention, my energy.  As each hour passes in a day, I've sent my energetic brain in motion solving all kinds of problems; looking into potential solutions for clients, loving my daughters, friends, family, feeling into the news I hear on the radio or read on the internet, rearranging my furniture in my head, balancing my cash flow, worrying about the time, what I'll make for dinner, will I get to the store to get food for dinner?  And, on it goes.  Bits of Me are flying in all directions at once.  NOT what I call centered.  

This is when, if I've got my awareness high enough, I will stand up, go outside and breathe in Mother Nature's energy, or dance to some fun music, literally laugh out loud at myself or sing.  All of these bring me into the present.

In this space, I can gently ground myself and call back all of those pieces and put them back together. (always did like building blocks and legos!)

From the place of Being Full, I am fully present to love others, focus on work to be done, tap into my intuition for inspired actions or solutions and not falling into find the quick fixes of food, losing myself in a computer game or Facebook, or another shadow comfort habit.  

What do you do to fill yourself up?  How do you sustain it?  I'd love to hear!

Plot Twist!

Plot Twist!

I'm stuck (or so it feels).  This is an uncomfortable place, where I don't seem to know where I'm going, if I'm moving or what's even "off."  Allowing this phase, of being "out of phase," is my mantra for the moment.  It's like breathing through a tough stretch in yoga, go as far as the body wants to go for today, maybe a bit more with another breath.  But honoring where I am, in this moment.

I do know that there is a season for everything and this seems to be a time of integrating all of the new healing, awarenesses, and learnings of the past few months.

For now I'm borrowing a great quote I saw on FB, paraphrasing here "When life goes in a different direction or something unexpected happens, yell "Plot Twist!" and move on." 

There is no personal attachment to a story we are watching or reading when situations get crazy or strange...I wonder how I can react the same way when my life appears like it's out of control?  Or, starts off in a new direction?  

 

 

Winter Wonderland

Yes, another snow/ice/freezing rain filled weekend....I'm choosing to embrace the quiet of the neighborhood and the hunkering-down-in-bed reading time.  Lots of others are complaining understandably, tired of this long, frigid season.  

I see this as the time to complete our hibernation, our dreamtime, our inner preparation.  Just like the bulbs planted last fall, we are in total trust of the coming warmth of spring, the perfect timing to sprout and the longer days that are coming.  They will be here in the next month or two, showing off their bright green leaves, some of them blooming, others budding, and we'll be able to enjoy their presence, where a few weeks before, there was only ice and barren soil.

So, while the days are still a bit shorter, the temps outside keeping most of our activities inside, it's a great time to plot out our year.  Clean out closets.  Get taxes prepped and/or filed.  Catch up on reading.  Journal.  Dream.  Be still and listen.  I'm going to go for a mind-clearing walk/slide to enjoy the cold and gratefully appreciate the warmth of our home when I return!

The Journey-Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

As I review my 700 or so emails that I can't seem to get down to below 500 anymore due to the volume pouring into my inbox, I see many from women entrepreneurs sharing their newsletters, ezines, business programs, coaching services and tips on marketing, getting noticed, how to find love, juice up my sex life, how to find the tribe I'm meant to serve, or petitions to sign or nonprofit news of some sort.  Lots of words, too many voices.  When do I find time to listen to my Inner Wise Woman's voice?

It's time to BE Still.  Go outside in the winter wind, feel the air, declare my questions to Mother and just BE Still.  The answers are there.  They always are.